Abusive relationships: What they are and how to spot them

WHAT’S UP, SCIENTISTS!!! 👨🏽‍⚕️

Today’s newsletter was inspired by the Jonah Hill and Sarah Brady fiasco. Now I’m not one to meddle in other people’s business even when they (either party involved) puts it out there on the interweb for the whole world to see.

But this one was quite different in its impact on my curiosity because it piggybacked right off the whole Keke Palmer and Darius Jackson “situation” that was force-fed to me by the Twitter algorithm against my wishes.

From the comments and backlash Jonah got, it dawned on me that a lot of people are clueless when it comes to the actual functional romantic relationship and marriage principles and dynamics that don't involve sex and money.

And once again, I saw a weekly reminder that reinforced my choice to do what I do when it comes to this “love journey”.

So since almost anyone with a working internet connection had something to say about the entire debacle, I decided to throw my hat in the ring and share my opinion and thoughts on the issue while trying to teach you something that will improve your love life.

I’m not here to take sides, I’m just here to educate the thousands of you reading this every Sunday.

Anyway, enough babbling, here are my 2 cents.

From my head to your eyes.

MY THOUGHTS 🧠

I think since the #MeToo movement, women could just slap on the words emotional + abuse, insert whatever man’s name she wishes after them and watch the angry feminist mob tear him to pieces while she is simultaneously given the “oh you’re so brave” treatment from strangers on the interweb.

From what I witnessed on Elons’ and Marks’ app—#cagematchofthecentury—a lot of people do not know the difference between an abusive relationship, a dysfunctional relationship, an unhealthy relationship and unique relationship boundaries that safeguard the sanctity of the monogamous union between the parties involved.

Some guidelines can tell you with excellent accuracy whether you’re in an abusive relationship with an actual abuser or not, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves yet.

I know some of you may be thinking “but aren’t dysfunctional relationships the same as unhealthy relationships?” And my answer to that question is NO. No, they’re not.

Abusive Relationship: An abusive relationship is when one partner uses power and control to hurt the other. Abuse can be physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, or financial. The abuser wants to control and harm the victim, making them feel small and dependent. Examples of abuse include hitting, insulting, threatening, isolating, and controlling.

Dysfunctional Relationship A.K.A Toxic Relationship: A dysfunctional relationship is a relationship that has problems that cause distress and make it hard to get along with your romantic partner. The dysfunction comes from unresolved fights, bad communication, lack of trust, lack of compatibility, and difference in values among a myriad of other fucked up shit both partners choose to do or not do in the relationship. It means having the same negative behaviours over and over and struggling to solve problems. The dysfunction doesn't always involve purposeful harm like in abusive relationships.

Unhealthy Relationship: An unhealthy relationship lacks what both partners need to feel good emotionally, mentally, and physically in the long term. It can have trust issues, bad communication, constant fighting, relying too much on each other, or one person having more power. Unhealthy relationships leave partners feeling unhappy, unsatisfied, and not like themselves.

Boundaries in a relationship: Boundaries in a relationship are rules we set to keep ourselves safe and respected emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. Boundaries are guidelines that outline what you and your romantic partner are comfortable doing in the relationship across different circumstances, times and seasons.

Sometimes a relationship can be both unhealthy and dysfunctional, but not all dysfunctional relationships are automatically unhealthy. Unhealthy relationships are relationships with long-term dysfunctional behaviour between the parties involved. Dysfunction can happen for different reasons, like stress or differences in how people communicate. It doesn't always mean the relationship is bad or harmful.

Now depending on the willingness of both parties to make their relationship work, both dysfunctional and unhealthy relationships can be transformed into healthy relationships.

As for abusive relationships?… The only way I 100% recommend is to get the fuck out of it.

So how do you spot an abusive relationship?

THE GAMEPLAN ⛹🏾‍♂️

You spot an abusive relationship by using the following criteria;

1.) It consistently deteriorates your health: This means that as a result of your being in that relationship, your health drastically and significantly reduces physically, mentally and emotionally consistently as a result of the words and actions of your romantic partner and your decision to remain in the relationship with them.

2.) There is consistent anxiety, fear, shame & guilt: This means that as a result of your partners’ words and actions consistently, you always feel fearful of your partner, anxious, shameful or guilty for the things you say and do while in the relationship.

3.) Lack of safety and security: When there's a lack of safety and security, it means that you don't feel protected from physical harm or assaults. It's like not feeling safe in your own body or being afraid of your partner hurting you physically. It also means that your partner consistently says things to you all the time, that make you feel bad about yourself. These insults over time damage your self-esteem and confidence, making you doubt your worth and abilities. Additionally, a lack of emotional security happens when your romantic partner keeps cheating on you. This means they are consistently unfaithful and break the trust in your relationship and as a result of their actions, you consistently feel unsure of yourself, hurt, and not safe in your emotions.

Now that you know what makes a relationship abusive, here are 8 questions I recommend you asked yourself and honestly answer to find out the if you’re in one;

1.) Does this relationship make me feel physically, mentally, or emotionally worse over time?

2.) Do I often feel scared, anxious, ashamed, or guilty because of what my partner says or does?

3.) Do I feel unsafe or unprotected from physical harm with my partner?

4.) Does my partner consistently say things that make me feel bad about myself?

5.) Has my partner cheated on me or broken my trust?

6.) Do I doubt my worth and abilities because of my partner's actions?

7.) Am I hurt and do I feel emotionally unsafe in this relationship?

8.) Does this relationship make me feel less safe and secure overall?

You’re welcome 🙂.

STORIES THAT TOUCH 💔

Another day, another paternity fraud case!!! 😭

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